A Check-Up

It has almost been 3 months since I made the birthday resolutions 31 Things To Do This Year. My, how time flies. Since I'm all about checking things off a list, I thought I would take a look back and see what (if anything) I've accomplished so far.

31 Things To Do This Year

1. Go somewhere I've never been before. I've been to Atlanta, Stone Mountain, Monticello, KY, and the Student Union on the UT campus just to name a few!
2. Go to at least 1 UT football game this year. I need to celebrate the Butch Jones era! I went to the UT vs Western KY game. It was one of the most exciting games I've ever been to even though the score ended up being a blowout. There were 5 WKY turnovers in their first 6 plays - not series. Plays! That means nearly every single time they got the ball they turned it over immediately. It was amazing to watch.
3. Have my dishwasher installed. It's just sitting there not plugged in. NOT HELPFUL! Boom! A family friend came over and hooked up the drain and electric, but the old copper pipes in my house weren't going to be sufficient. I went to Lowes, bought the right stuff, and finished the installation myself. I felt like Bob freaking Villa.


4. Sell my house.
5. Spend the holidays doing something I want to do. Usually I get roped into visiting other people's families. BTW, your crazy family is only endearing to you. To outsiders they are barely tolerable. Please don't inflict this on others on Christmas Day!
6. Get back into church. I love my new church very much. Everyone is welcome to visit!
7. Read more books and see more movies that are not necessarily "my style".
8. Go someplace where I need to dress fancy. I have so many clothes and heels that are neglected because of my mundane lifestyle!
9. Forgive and forget. I'm trying so hard. I really am!
10. Get more pedicures, facials, massages, whatever. I used to treat myself all the time when I was young. Now I could actually use the maintenance.
11. Make my home a place that I enjoy being. Too often I use the kitchen table for a catch-all or pile things in the garage.
12. Enjoy time away from work without worrying about work.
13. Write. Write. Write. Revise. Then write some more.
14. Try Indian food.
15. Learn something. I love taking classes. I want to acquire new skills!
16. Explore my city like a tourist. I grew up here, but there are tons of things around Knoxville that I've never done or seen!
17. Downsize my stuff.
18. Rediscover my love for yoga. I took a class yesterday, and today I'm stiff. I used to take 2 or 3 classes a week and never felt anything but wonderfully rejuvenated. Gosh, I miss those days. Hahahaha. Well, I did more yoga, but I'm not sure I rediscovered my love for it. I got burned out pretty quickly, but I'm not giving it up forever.
19. Have quarterly game nights with my friends. We had one on October 20. Now we just have to keep it going!
20. Pay off some bills. I'm looking at you, Student Loan!
21. Get outside.
22. Do activities that make me uncomfortable. Not terrified (like skydiving) but out of my comfort zone (like indoor skydiving).
23. Figure out what I want out of life. I should know by now, but I don't yet. I'm pretending that's normal.
24. Cook more. I'll start on this just as soon as #3 is taken care of. Not washing the dishes by hand makes a world of difference.
25. Remember to call DirecTV and have ESPNU added to my channels. (I need something I can mark off today. It makes me feel accomplished.) I did it the same day I originally posted this list, but DirecTv has still not updated it yet.
26. Give my cat his hairball medicine on the regular so I'm not awakened by the sound of him hacking at 4:00 AM. I'm getting pretty good at this!
27. Learn to use a sewing machine once and for all! I'm really good at it for 5 minutes until I break the thread, need to change the bobbin, or otherwise destroy it.
28. Wear my jewelry. I have a ton of it. (It's all fake. Don't get excited, thieves.) I just never remember to put it on in the morning. I have on a necklace, a ring, and a bracelet today. That's about maximum accessorizing capacity for me.
29. Never fight via text. I am doing this, much to the chagrin of a particular person who loves to pick text fights. I always respond with "Is this something we should be talking about with texts?" It makes him more angry, I think.
30. Be nicer to my mom. She's really good to me, and sometimes I take my frustrations out on her. I see her more often, and we are fighting less, so I think this is working!
31. Blog more often! I have been!

Oh my goodness! And just when I think I have no follow-through... I've done pretty well so far!

All the things I'm obsessed with right this minute

If you know me personally, you probably know that I get on these kicks where I become fascinated with an idea or object and can't get enough. If you don't know me personally then let me put it to you this way: I have OCD. I am both obsessive and compulsive. Luckily it's mostly charming (I hope) and very rarely disruptive.

Here are my obsessions of the moment:

1. Halloween! Well, yeah it's October. That makes sense. But as some people have to get in the Christmas spirit (Mom, this means you), I have to get in the Halloween spirit by watching movies and doing fun activities. I have a few things left on my list to do in the next week including: watching Hocus Pocus and the Rocky Horror Picture Show, going to a corn maze, and completing my costume. This is a preview:


2. Vegetables. I'm trying to eat more veggies because a) I love them and b) they are good for me. I've been doing a personal challenge where I try not to eat potatoes and I limit my bread quite a bit. Since I started I've been enjoying many more salads for lunch (rather than sandwiches) and veggies on the side instead of fries or chips. I had the chicken Caesar salad from Walmart for lunch today, and it was delicious. I highly recommend it!


3. Patios. This time of year makes me want to get outside more than any other time. Recently I took out my swimming pool, and now I have a big backyard just begging for me to do something with it. My idea is a flagstone patio. It's going to be back-breaking work, but I am OBSESSED with the idea. This is pretty much what I want with the exception of the tree in the middle.


4. Studying the Bible. Obviously this list is in no particular order or God would be at the top. Very top. Above the title. In September Jen started a new small group through Faith Promise that I've become a member of. It is for women ages 25-35. I adore all the ladies, and we've been having some good studies so far. I've been going to my family's Bible study too, and currently we are in the book of Revelation, which is deep and heavy but so interesting. And I've also found a home church at Rio Revolution. If you are looking for a church to attend, I invite you to visit it.

All of the studying and fellowship has really made a difference in my relationship with God, and I'm so glad for that. I'm excited and hungry for it for the first time in a long time.

5. Travel. Like always, I crave travel. I need it! I recently got back from Atlanta with Jennifer and Brad, and we had a great time. I got on TripAdvisor to post my reviews of the places we went, and BOOM! The need to travel hit me again. TripAdvisor has this new thing where it shows you how much of the world you've seen. I'm at 4%. Are you joking? Four measly percent?! I've got to remedy that immediately!

This is me with the Coca-Cola bear in Atlanta. He was so cute, I wanted to take him home!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

As long as I can remember, I've always LOVED October. Not that you need it, but here are 31 reasons why you should love it too:

1. The air is crisp. Something about October air makes me want to open the windows, pile under blankets, and just breathe more. (Sinus infections be damned.)
2. Football. Okay, it is no secret that I love me some football. October is when things start getting exciting. UT Vols play 3 very highly ranked teams in the month of October. Will we win? We shouldn't, but that doesn't mean we won't! Also, it is much more comfortable to go to football games in October (see #1).
3. The Corn Maze. I don't love being lost, but I love being lost inside a giant maze of corn. Go figure. It smells earthy and a psycho may jump out at any minute. That could describe the whole state of TN actually...
4. Halloween. It is the best holiday. Period.
5. Costumes. Not to be confused with Halloween, costumes are an important part of October. Some people have costume parties. Some events are costume themed. Any excuse to dress up in a costume is good enough for me.


6. Fall colored foliage. The leaves are gorgeous in this part of the country for just about a week, until inevitably, we get a big rainstorm. They are still pretty after that, but they are on the ground rather than the branches.
7. Chili. I'm hard to please when it comes to chili, but I think I make some of the best around. No cheese, Frito chips, or anything weird in my bowl. Maybe saltines and a butt-ton of pepper.
8. Bonfire smells. If someone could accurately capture the smell that is a bonfire, brush pile, or something of the like, I would buy them out (whether it be candles or air freshener, or fabric softener) and never leave home. I love that smell beyond words.
9. Pumpkin everything except coffee. Carving pumpkins - good. Pumpkin muffins - good. Pumpkin pie - very good. You get the picture.
10. Horror movies. Being fake scared is so much fun! Being actually scared (like in a hostage situation) is probably not so much fun. But when it comes to horror movies, I pre-game. I get myself scared before the movie actually starts by thinking about how scared I will be. Voila! No horror movie is ever disappointing. And yes, my imagination is so much scarier than movies.
11. Outdoor festivals. Our town throws a big fall concert with fried foods (yay!) and live music. It seems like people just want to get outside in October. You can't contain it!
12. Sweaters and boots. This is easily one of my favorite style combinations. It even makes hard faced Victoria Beckham look sweet and cuddly.



13. Darker makeup is acceptable. I wear it regardless of season, but black eyeliner and October go together like peanut butter and ladies. (Bonus points if you know what movie that line is from.)
14. Thunderstorms. When it's cool outside and it storms, the windows steam up, and everything feels cozy inside. It's magical.
15. Candy. The treats are in mini, guilt-free portions. What's not to love? One of my favorite bits from a stand-up comic is Jerry Seinfeld talking about Halloween. He describes the first moment a child figures out the concept of Halloween and their reaction is "what is this about candy? Who is giving out candy? EVERYONE THAT WE KNOW IS JUST GIVING OUT CANDY?!"


16. Coffee tastes better. Coffee is yummy! I take it with 2 creams and 2 sweet-n-lows if anyone out there wants to bring me some. In the fall when the morning temps dip below 50 degrees, coffee changes from a delicious drink to a must-have. It doesn't hurt that the steam rises up and gives you a mini facial while you drink it.
17. Less Sweating. Speaking of facials, summer wreaks havoc on my skin. I hate that my makeup melts off and my hair is continually frizzy. Sweating is just not a good look. Thankfully October brings less sweating and more temperature contentedness.
18. Apples. I've never actually been apple picking, but something tells me I'd love it. Like October, apples are crisp and delicious. Fujis are my favorite. I'll take them with or without caramel and peanuts (although never candied!).
19. ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween. Read this lineup and tell me you don't want to fill your DVR with it!
20. Suddenly it's acceptable to wear head to toe black. As if I needed a reason!
21. Straightening my hair. Humidity makes curly haired people insane. Autumn has less humidity and therefore more ways I can style my hair without it looking like a bird's nest. (See also #17)
22. Tanning season is done. I don't really "lay out in the sun" during the summer although I do get a tan from being in the sun. You don't have to worry about weird tan lines by October. It doesn't matter that you wore a halter bathing suit all summer and have strange stripes across your shoulders. By October your tan has mostly faded away.
23. People wear overalls in non-ironic ways. It must be something about farming and harvesting crops. I don't know why, but I see a huge surge in people wearing overalls and flannel in the fall. I love them both (although I don't wear either), so I say keep em coming!
24. Campy witchcraft movies. My favorite witchcraft movies are The Worst Witch, Hocus Pocus, and The Craft. If there is one you haven't seen, you are totally missing out!
25. Re-reading old favorites. I love the book Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman (I love everything by her actually, but this book is beautiful). Nothing beat R.L. Stine and Christopher Pike when I was a kid. And do you remember the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books? Holy crap, those illustrations were NO JOKE!


26. Scariest Places on Earth shows. I love the Travel Channel programming that has to do with the most haunted places on Earth or the scariest hotels. I do not like the shows that use night vision to catch ghostly footage (unless it is Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files and then only because Ben Hansen is ridiculously dreamy). I would rather hear about the history of a place than see a bunch of people scaring themselves.
27. Mosquitoes are almost gone. Self-explanatory.
28. Seeing my friends. November and December are jam packed with family-related events, but it seems like October is designed perfectly for friend hangouts.
29. The nights aren't too long yet. In the winter it is so depressing that I never get to see daylight. I work all the time. I actually do that in the summer too now that I think about it. In October, the days are shortening, but they aren't too short yet. It's the perfect time to build campfires and shoot fireworks because you don't have to wait until 9:30 for it to be dark enough!
30. No more lawn care. If you know anything about my childhood, you know how much I detest mowing. Here's hoping all my grass dies this winter and never comes back!
31. Tim Curry. Not many 6 year old children grew up wanting to marry Tim, but I did. Even now at 67 years old, I find him totally dapper. More than likely he's gay, but when I fell in love with Tim, I didn't even know what that meant. I just knew he had large, googley eyes (which is a reoccurring trait I find attractive to this day), a voice like velvet, and a certain something. The Worst Witch, Clue, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Stephen King's It, and the list goes on. This man was made for October. He should be called Mr. October instead of Reggie Jackson.

Five things to love about August

August is by no-means my favorite month, (Hello, October? I love you.) but it is pretty great. Have doubts? Dig this:

1. Your summer tan has kicked in. Usually by August I have a gorgeous glow that has been earned both from working and playing outdoors. This year it is not quite fully developed, but I still have another month.

2. There are no national holidays. I love holidays, but in the retail (or resale) business they are pretty much consuming. August is great because you can celebrate the smaller things that may have been overlooked in a more jam-packed month. Tennessee's tax free weekend is intended for back to school, but I see it as a version of summertime Christmas except I only buy presents for myself. It is practically my duty to buy clothes, shoes, and office supplies that I don't need! Also, my birthday is in August which is great because hardly anyone has plans otherwise. What is there to do in this heat anyway?

3. Fall is coming. It seems wrong to look ahead when I'm all about celebrating the present, but sometimes I can't help it. You can feel it on the breeze. The mornings and evenings are cooler. The mosquitoes have all died from heat stroke. Kids are back in school. In June and July it's easy to take it for granted, but by August you know the summertime is coming to an end.

4. Football is here. Preseason games, high school games, and finally on the last day of the month, University of Tennessee games. I love football. Why? People can sit for weeks and analyze what will happen. They can use past stats and prior meetings, but in the end it all comes down to heart and talent. You never know what is going to happen in football, and sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes that's a very bad thing.

5. It is the month of possibilities. You could make straight As this year and keep your locker organized. Your team could go undefeated. You could start your Christmas shopping early. You could start your diet early so you'll have earned a "cheat day" by Thanksgiving. Maybe you'll become a better person. Maybe you'll try harder at work. Summer is ending and it's time to get down to business. Maybe this will turn out to be the best year ever. You still have time!

A few words about customer service...

Even when you own the company, sometimes you have to be on the front line dealing with the public. Seeing as I am not a people person, this has never been one of my favorite parts of gainful employment. I'd love to have a job *cough*WRITER*cough* where I don't have to see the majority of bargain hunting tourists on their way to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. For now, however, I suffer in silence. One thing I do love is lists, so... let's make a list of customers I love to hate!

1. The oversharer: This person has absolutely no problem telling you all about their son who is in jail for hitting his pregnant girlfriend, their need for adult diapers, and everything their doctor learned from their recent blood test. If you are lucky, they'll skip the backstory (which can take FOR-EV-ER) and just jump right in and assume you know them and everyone they know.
(There are a few customers that I have a rapport with. I actually enjoy their stories and want to know about their family. The oversharer is more than likely someone I've never met.)

2. The undersharer: This person doesn't talk at all. Ever. You can ask them if they are ready to check out because they are standing an ambivalent distance from the cash register, but don't expect a response. You can tell them "Thanks! Have a nice day!" but they won't say it back to you. Because they don't care if you have a nice day. You are just the hired help. Either that or they are a deaf mute.

3. The licker: Don't you ever lick your fingers when you are counting out money to me! Crazy sycophant! (BTW, I do actually know what sycophant means, and it is not used correctly here. It's an in-joke, grammar Nazi!)

4. The person who puts change on the counter even though I am holding out my hand: Pretty self-explanatory. I'm literally holding out my hand to accept your change. Why would you bypass my hand to put it on the counter just to make me pick it up again? WHY?!

5. The person who doesn't know when to stay home: If you are sick, stay home. If you are too lazy to put on clothes and decide to just throw on unlaced work boots under your nightgown, stay home. If you haven't bathed in 3 days and smell like hot, wet garbage, please for the love of God, stay home!

6. The insulter: "This thrift store smells like someone's grandma's garage." Guess what! WE SELL USED SHIZ! This ain't Bloomingdales, lady. Insulting my business, our prices, the things we sell, or even the weather is going to piss me off (even if I secretly agree with you). Keep it to yourself, A-Hole.

VIDEO: SNL - The A-Holes

7. The "helpful" one: "This one is $.99. It should come to $1.08 after tax. I'll give you a five, and you give me back 3.92." Hey, helpy helper. I've got this. Thanks, but I can add and subtract all by myself!

8. The preoccupied mother: No, I will not watch your children. No, I will not let you know your baby just picked up a thumb tack and put it in it's mouth. No, I will not think it's cute when you smile and tell me that your ankle biter just broke something but your husband only gave you $10 to spend for the week, and you can't afford to buy it. I don't know you. I don't know your child. When you take it in public, put it in a stroller or on a leash!

9. The curious cat: For some reason, I have more of this type of customer than all the others combined. They stand in front of the bathroom and ask if we have a bathroom. They ask if we have boy's clothes in a size 8 with Transformers on the shirts. They ask if I know what this random kitchen gadget is for. They ask if I know anything about a piece of furniture. I know it was donated. That's about it. Use your eyeballs and/or your imagination.

10. The permission seeker: "I'm just going to look around. Is that ok?" No. We force people to buy things with their eyes shut. "Can I use this public bathroom?" It's actually an empty elevator shaft, so aren't you glad you asked first?

And just so I don't sound like an awful tyrant, let's list 5 customers I didn't think I'd enjoy but I do

1. The hipster: As people they are super annoying. As thrift store customers, they appreciate the cheap and eclectic.

2. Brides: There is nothing better than a crafty bride when you work at a thrift store. Everything has possibilities. They can look it up on Pintrest and make something magical. Plus they have big budgets.

3. Children buying books: Enough said. I see some of my childhood self in you, tiny readers.

4. Lonely old ladies: Seeing as I plan on becoming a lonely, old, spinster woman, I have a soft spot for these ladies. They just want fabric for their sewing machines or some powder for their feet. The best things in life are simple pleasures.

5. Nope, I can only think of 4. I am an awful tyrant.

PS: I love the majority of my customers. I am really lucky to do what I do. There is just that 1% that drives me insane!

I have 32 teeth

Oral hygiene is important. That's why it isn't good that I grind my teeth when I'm frustrated. It also isn't good when I have headaches and dizzy spells from clenching my jaw. But some days (yesterday), I have to clench in order to not attack stupid people. It's a full-time job, and I already have about 3 of those.

So in honor of my teeth, I'm going to list 32 things that make me annoyed/angry in the hopes that they will reside here rather than in my mouth.
1. People who try to take advantage of me. I'm pretty generous. Therefore, if you try to take advantage of me, chances are you are a sub-par human being.
2. Humming and/or whistling. It grates on my nerves. I will cut you.
3. People who insult something because they want it. At first I thought this was an occupational hazard, but the more I think about it the more I realize it happens in all aspects of life. In terms of my job, the best example I can think of is: We had just purchased a chain from Lowes to lock up a bicycle that was for sale. Twenty minutes after locking up the bicycle, it sold (see also: examples of my luck). The customer loaded the bicycle and drove away. The very next customer noticed the chain puddled around the pole and asked "how much do you want for that old, rusty chain out there?" It was literally less than one hour old. It was shiny as heck and had no rust whatsoever. But if he made it seem worthless, he might be able to score it for a bargain. This doesn't work with me. What I wanted to say was "if it's worthless, why do you want it? I wouldn't want to insult your wallet by making you pay for such a hunk of junk! I'll just keep it rather than pass the burden of owning such a heap of trash." Don't pull my pigtails if you like me. Don't insult my stuff if you want to buy it. Everything has worth, and everything has flaws. Pointing them out will not make you a hero. It will just make you an asshole.
4. People who play the victim.
5. People who lick their fingers to count money or turn the page of a magazine.
6. Liars and thieves.
7. Running out of Coke Zero.
8. Baby talk in any form - even to a baby.
9. When my cat licks my leg to get my attention.
10. Having cat hair all over everything.
11. People who compliment my eyes (thank you!) but then call them blue (wha...? My eyes are green. They are so green that they sometimes appear yellow. Are you just complimenting that I have two? Maybe you should focus on your own eyes and get them checked. I know a really cute optometrist.)
12. Getting a run or pick in my tights.
13. People who hate something just because it's popular.
14. Hormones. The problem is not that I have some, but they literally make me angry, and I can't help it.
15. Needing to stop what I'm doing to go pee.
16. Spoilers.
17. When someone is purposefully vague to make you question them further. I don’t enjoy the sport of fishing, and neither do I enjoy you fishing for someone to gossip to.
18. Feeling helpless.
19. Not knowing how to do something. This is my biggie. I really, really, really hate not knowing how to do it. This is different from feeling helpless. Sometimes when you are helpless, there isn't anything to be done. When there is a solution but I don't have it, it drives me crazy!
20. Underwear that rolls down or rides up.
21. Telemarketers. If you call me on our business phone, you will get an airhorn in the ear, and that's no joke.
22. Mosquitoes.
23. Picking on or belittling someone I love.
24. Drama.
25. When I'm out buying paint, painters tape, drop cloths, and rollers and the cashier asks me "are you going to do some painting?" It happens regardless of what I'm buying. I could be buying a book on ducks, a bag of mini Snickers, and a wall clock, and the cashier would ask me "are you doing an experiment to see what time of day ducks most like to eat Snickers?". Salespeople are always up in my business.
26. When someone asks me a question and then cuts off my answer. People do this ALL. THE. TIME. to me when they are asking directions. If you knew, why did you ask? I’ll will send your butt to Nebo Mountain, tourist!
27. When people don't watch their kids. I'm sure you think them jumping on my couch is cute, but I think they are brats and you should be sterilized.
28. Friends you can never rely on.
29. Humidity.
30. Text forwards.
31. Painful pimples. Damn hormones again!
32. Naturally skinny people. ‘Nuff said.
For someone with my anger issues, I thought this list would be easier to compile. Don’t worry, I could have 32 different ones by tomorrow.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love all holidays. I think it's because we celebrated even the smallest one when I was a child. I don't celebrate much anymore. Birthdays, anniversaries, and even Christmas has become a little toned down. I'm not one to celebrate Valentine's Day ever (relationship or not), but I think this year I will. It seems strange that THIS is the year I chose to participate in a holiday about love. The fact is that I have lots of love, and I want to celebrate it! I might celebrate Daylight Savings Time too. Don't put me in a box! I'm unpredictable!

Back to the things I love. First of all, I love THIS
Why yes, that is very inappropriate for a child's valentine. JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING!

I also love THIS and THAT!

And in closing... someone asked me to be their Valentine, and I responded with "Is this a mass text?" It wasn't. It doesn't get any better than that!

Smooth sailing vs hurricanes

There are several things that surprised me in the first month of my low carb adventure.

1) The low carb craze is over.
There is no longer a readily available section of carb-less items at the grocery store. Even fast food restaurants that used to cater to LC like Subway and Smoothie King no longer do so. Restaurants that still do offer LC items (such as Hardees) may not even be aware they do. The first time I ordered a Hardees LC burger, I had to explain what that meant. I am 5 years late on the craze, and now I have to be creative because it isn't easy.

2) I didn't miss breads or sweets.
I became frustrated when family members suggested pizza buffets or Chinese restaurants, but it wasn't because I knew I'd never be able to control myself there. I did not want them. I was frustrated at the lack of options, but I never once became tempted. It was quite the opposite. The thought of eating breads was undesirable, and the thought of eating sweets was downright revolting. A lady I know was talking about a cake recipe where she used Almond Joy flavored coffee creamer rather than water. My old self would have loved that, but my new self turned green at her description. Suddenly cakes in general were out of the discussion.

3) I became impossible to live with.
My mood swings have never been light, but after a week of LC they were OUT OF CONTROL. My husband, ever the sweet passive one, tried to talk to me about it. I wasn't listening. I became a robot. Insensitive, cold, single-minded. It made no sense because I had physically never felt better. I was sure that my mood would even out. Then came my next blow: I stopped losing weight. It seemed strange to me that I was willing to make it hard for those who love me because of my diet as long as it was working. Once it stopped working, however, I realized I was doing something wrong.

For the sake of my marriage (and sanity), I have increased my carb intake and lowered my calorie cap. We will see if this works out better in the long run. One thing is for sure already, I'm a whole lot nicer with a little bit of bread in me.