Lately I've been dealing with some personal issues that do not involve dieting. My entire life I've dealt with anger issues, but recently they have become even more of a problem. I love my anger, possibly even more than food. I carry it around with me. I feed it daily with sarcasm and judgement. It's my best friend that has been with me since... possibly birth.
Dime store psychology would say that gaining weight and anger both act as a barrier to keep people from becoming close to me. One could also argue that I'm unhappy with myself so I take it out on others. I can't deny either of these facts, but I believe that I have been raised to think anger equals power. People will fear you, take you seriously, give you your way. I don't want to be angry anymore. I would rather be powerless at this point in my life than spend all my energy stoking this fire.
I have made an effort in the past 24 hours to be a better person (less judgemental, mean, and angry) and more in touch with why I feel the way I feel. I found a wonderful free podcast of mediation for anger that helped me tremendously understanding my aspects of this emotion I never considered. http://www.meditationoasis.com/
1) Anger sometimes masks other emotions. This was so true for me. I had my anger on standby, and any time I came in contact with another emotion - betrayal, shame, loneliness - anger stepped in and covered that up for me. I told you anger and I were best friends, right? Who else would fight all your battles for you?
2) Anger can manifest itself in physical problems. Think about what happens to your body when you get mad. Jaw tightens, shoulder tightens, increased blood pressure, shallow breathing. Now think about what that can do to your body if left untreated.
3) Neither suppressing nor provoking anger will make it go away. If you suppress yours it will build and explode eventually. I'm taking everyone's word on this because I have never suppressed my anger a day in my life. I rationalized that people should know I'm angry so that THEY can change THEIR behavior. Provoking anger on the other hand, is something I am very good at. I replay the situation, pick it apart, and reassure myself that in the encounter that made me angry I was the victor in the end. I hurt the other person the worst. I cut to the quick fastest. They didn't even know what was happening until it was over. I am the smartest, best, most powerful. Sheesh - I sound like a super bitch! But unfortunately it's true. I'm working on it. Anyway, the mediation suggests that by acknowledging the anger, it can run its natural course.
I'm really interested in continuing meditation for anger as well as other types too. I don't take enough time to listen to myself and what I am really feeling. I invite you to check out this website. They have several types of meditation and free podcasts as well as CDs, mp3s, and smartphone apps.
Finally I want to leave you with a quote I saw when reading into their meditation: What you resist persists. I have never heard this before, but it really got my attention. If you resist emotions, certain foods, even love... it persists. Go with the flow. Accept what is meant for you to have. Acknowledge it and then set it free.
