Even when you own the company, sometimes you have to be on the front line dealing with the public. Seeing as I am not a people person, this has never been one of my favorite parts of gainful employment. I'd love to have a job *cough*WRITER*cough* where I don't have to see the majority of bargain hunting tourists on their way to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. For now, however, I suffer in silence. One thing I do love is lists, so... let's make a list of customers I love to hate!
1. The oversharer: This person has absolutely no problem telling you all about their son who is in jail for hitting his pregnant girlfriend, their need for adult diapers, and everything their doctor learned from their recent blood test. If you are lucky, they'll skip the backstory (which can take FOR-EV-ER) and just jump right in and assume you know them and everyone they know.
(There are a few customers that I have a rapport with. I actually enjoy their stories and want to know about their family. The oversharer is more than likely someone I've never met.)
2. The undersharer: This person doesn't talk at all. Ever. You can ask them if they are ready to check out because they are standing an ambivalent distance from the cash register, but don't expect a response. You can tell them "Thanks! Have a nice day!" but they won't say it back to you. Because they don't care if you have a nice day. You are just the hired help. Either that or they are a deaf mute.
3. The licker: Don't you ever lick your fingers when you are counting out money to me! Crazy sycophant! (BTW, I do actually know what sycophant means, and it is not used correctly here. It's an in-joke, grammar Nazi!)
4. The person who puts change on the counter even though I am holding out my hand: Pretty self-explanatory. I'm literally holding out my hand to accept your change. Why would you bypass my hand to put it on the counter just to make me pick it up again? WHY?!
5. The person who doesn't know when to stay home: If you are sick, stay home. If you are too lazy to put on clothes and decide to just throw on unlaced work boots under your nightgown, stay home. If you haven't bathed in 3 days and smell like hot, wet garbage, please for the love of God, stay home!
6. The insulter: "This thrift store smells like someone's grandma's garage." Guess what! WE SELL USED SHIZ! This ain't Bloomingdales, lady. Insulting my business, our prices, the things we sell, or even the weather is going to piss me off (even if I secretly agree with you). Keep it to yourself, A-Hole.
VIDEO: SNL - The A-Holes
7. The "helpful" one: "This one is $.99. It should come to $1.08 after tax. I'll give you a five, and you give me back 3.92." Hey, helpy helper. I've got this. Thanks, but I can add and subtract all by myself!
8. The preoccupied mother: No, I will not watch your children. No, I will not let you know your baby just picked up a thumb tack and put it in it's mouth. No, I will not think it's cute when you smile and tell me that your ankle biter just broke something but your husband only gave you $10 to spend for the week, and you can't afford to buy it. I don't know you. I don't know your child. When you take it in public, put it in a stroller or on a leash!
9. The curious cat: For some reason, I have more of this type of customer than all the others combined. They stand in front of the bathroom and ask if we have a bathroom. They ask if we have boy's clothes in a size 8 with Transformers on the shirts. They ask if I know what this random kitchen gadget is for. They ask if I know anything about a piece of furniture. I know it was donated. That's about it. Use your eyeballs and/or your imagination.
10. The permission seeker: "I'm just going to look around. Is that ok?" No. We force people to buy things with their eyes shut. "Can I use this public bathroom?" It's actually an empty elevator shaft, so aren't you glad you asked first?
And just so I don't sound like an awful tyrant, let's list 5 customers I didn't think I'd enjoy but I do
1. The hipster: As people they are super annoying. As thrift store customers, they appreciate the cheap and eclectic.
2. Brides: There is nothing better than a crafty bride when you work at a thrift store. Everything has possibilities. They can look it up on Pintrest and make something magical. Plus they have big budgets.
3. Children buying books: Enough said. I see some of my childhood self in you, tiny readers.
4. Lonely old ladies: Seeing as I plan on becoming a lonely, old, spinster woman, I have a soft spot for these ladies. They just want fabric for their sewing machines or some powder for their feet. The best things in life are simple pleasures.
5. Nope, I can only think of 4. I am an awful tyrant.
PS: I love the majority of my customers. I am really lucky to do what I do. There is just that 1% that drives me insane!
Showing posts with label annoying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label annoying. Show all posts
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
I have 32 teeth
Oral hygiene is important. That's why it isn't good that I grind my teeth when I'm frustrated. It also isn't good when I have headaches and dizzy spells from clenching my jaw. But some days (yesterday), I have to clench in order to not attack stupid people. It's a full-time job, and I already have about 3 of those.
So in honor of my teeth, I'm going to list 32 things that make me annoyed/angry in the hopes that they will reside here rather than in my mouth.
1. People who try to take advantage of me. I'm pretty generous. Therefore, if you try to take advantage of me, chances are you are a sub-par human being.
2. Humming and/or whistling. It grates on my nerves. I will cut you.
3. People who insult something because they want it. At first I thought this was an occupational hazard, but the more I think about it the more I realize it happens in all aspects of life. In terms of my job, the best example I can think of is: We had just purchased a chain from Lowes to lock up a bicycle that was for sale. Twenty minutes after locking up the bicycle, it sold (see also: examples of my luck). The customer loaded the bicycle and drove away. The very next customer noticed the chain puddled around the pole and asked "how much do you want for that old, rusty chain out there?" It was literally less than one hour old. It was shiny as heck and had no rust whatsoever. But if he made it seem worthless, he might be able to score it for a bargain. This doesn't work with me. What I wanted to say was "if it's worthless, why do you want it? I wouldn't want to insult your wallet by making you pay for such a hunk of junk! I'll just keep it rather than pass the burden of owning such a heap of trash." Don't pull my pigtails if you like me. Don't insult my stuff if you want to buy it. Everything has worth, and everything has flaws. Pointing them out will not make you a hero. It will just make you an asshole.
4. People who play the victim.
5. People who lick their fingers to count money or turn the page of a magazine.
6. Liars and thieves.
7. Running out of Coke Zero.
8. Baby talk in any form - even to a baby.
9. When my cat licks my leg to get my attention.
10. Having cat hair all over everything.
11. People who compliment my eyes (thank you!) but then call them blue (wha...? My eyes are green. They are so green that they sometimes appear yellow. Are you just complimenting that I have two? Maybe you should focus on your own eyes and get them checked. I know a really cute optometrist.)
12. Getting a run or pick in my tights.
13. People who hate something just because it's popular.
14. Hormones. The problem is not that I have some, but they literally make me angry, and I can't help it.
15. Needing to stop what I'm doing to go pee.
16. Spoilers.
17. When someone is purposefully vague to make you question them further. I don’t enjoy the sport of fishing, and neither do I enjoy you fishing for someone to gossip to.
18. Feeling helpless.
19. Not knowing how to do something. This is my biggie. I really, really, really hate not knowing how to do it. This is different from feeling helpless. Sometimes when you are helpless, there isn't anything to be done. When there is a solution but I don't have it, it drives me crazy!
20. Underwear that rolls down or rides up.
21. Telemarketers. If you call me on our business phone, you will get an airhorn in the ear, and that's no joke.
22. Mosquitoes.
23. Picking on or belittling someone I love.
24. Drama.
25. When I'm out buying paint, painters tape, drop cloths, and rollers and the cashier asks me "are you going to do some painting?" It happens regardless of what I'm buying. I could be buying a book on ducks, a bag of mini Snickers, and a wall clock, and the cashier would ask me "are you doing an experiment to see what time of day ducks most like to eat Snickers?". Salespeople are always up in my business.
26. When someone asks me a question and then cuts off my answer. People do this ALL. THE. TIME. to me when they are asking directions. If you knew, why did you ask? I’ll will send your butt to Nebo Mountain, tourist!
27. When people don't watch their kids. I'm sure you think them jumping on my couch is cute, but I think they are brats and you should be sterilized.
28. Friends you can never rely on.
29. Humidity.
30. Text forwards.
31. Painful pimples. Damn hormones again!
32. Naturally skinny people. ‘Nuff said.
For someone with my anger issues, I thought this list would be easier to compile. Don’t worry, I could have 32 different ones by tomorrow.
So in honor of my teeth, I'm going to list 32 things that make me annoyed/angry in the hopes that they will reside here rather than in my mouth.
1. People who try to take advantage of me. I'm pretty generous. Therefore, if you try to take advantage of me, chances are you are a sub-par human being.
2. Humming and/or whistling. It grates on my nerves. I will cut you.
3. People who insult something because they want it. At first I thought this was an occupational hazard, but the more I think about it the more I realize it happens in all aspects of life. In terms of my job, the best example I can think of is: We had just purchased a chain from Lowes to lock up a bicycle that was for sale. Twenty minutes after locking up the bicycle, it sold (see also: examples of my luck). The customer loaded the bicycle and drove away. The very next customer noticed the chain puddled around the pole and asked "how much do you want for that old, rusty chain out there?" It was literally less than one hour old. It was shiny as heck and had no rust whatsoever. But if he made it seem worthless, he might be able to score it for a bargain. This doesn't work with me. What I wanted to say was "if it's worthless, why do you want it? I wouldn't want to insult your wallet by making you pay for such a hunk of junk! I'll just keep it rather than pass the burden of owning such a heap of trash." Don't pull my pigtails if you like me. Don't insult my stuff if you want to buy it. Everything has worth, and everything has flaws. Pointing them out will not make you a hero. It will just make you an asshole.
4. People who play the victim.
5. People who lick their fingers to count money or turn the page of a magazine.
6. Liars and thieves.
7. Running out of Coke Zero.
8. Baby talk in any form - even to a baby.
9. When my cat licks my leg to get my attention.
10. Having cat hair all over everything.
11. People who compliment my eyes (thank you!) but then call them blue (wha...? My eyes are green. They are so green that they sometimes appear yellow. Are you just complimenting that I have two? Maybe you should focus on your own eyes and get them checked. I know a really cute optometrist.)
12. Getting a run or pick in my tights.
13. People who hate something just because it's popular.
14. Hormones. The problem is not that I have some, but they literally make me angry, and I can't help it.
15. Needing to stop what I'm doing to go pee.
16. Spoilers.
17. When someone is purposefully vague to make you question them further. I don’t enjoy the sport of fishing, and neither do I enjoy you fishing for someone to gossip to.
18. Feeling helpless.
19. Not knowing how to do something. This is my biggie. I really, really, really hate not knowing how to do it. This is different from feeling helpless. Sometimes when you are helpless, there isn't anything to be done. When there is a solution but I don't have it, it drives me crazy!
20. Underwear that rolls down or rides up.
21. Telemarketers. If you call me on our business phone, you will get an airhorn in the ear, and that's no joke.
22. Mosquitoes.
23. Picking on or belittling someone I love.
24. Drama.
25. When I'm out buying paint, painters tape, drop cloths, and rollers and the cashier asks me "are you going to do some painting?" It happens regardless of what I'm buying. I could be buying a book on ducks, a bag of mini Snickers, and a wall clock, and the cashier would ask me "are you doing an experiment to see what time of day ducks most like to eat Snickers?". Salespeople are always up in my business.
26. When someone asks me a question and then cuts off my answer. People do this ALL. THE. TIME. to me when they are asking directions. If you knew, why did you ask? I’ll will send your butt to Nebo Mountain, tourist!
27. When people don't watch their kids. I'm sure you think them jumping on my couch is cute, but I think they are brats and you should be sterilized.
28. Friends you can never rely on.
29. Humidity.
30. Text forwards.
31. Painful pimples. Damn hormones again!
32. Naturally skinny people. ‘Nuff said.
For someone with my anger issues, I thought this list would be easier to compile. Don’t worry, I could have 32 different ones by tomorrow.
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