I have 32 teeth

Oral hygiene is important. That's why it isn't good that I grind my teeth when I'm frustrated. It also isn't good when I have headaches and dizzy spells from clenching my jaw. But some days (yesterday), I have to clench in order to not attack stupid people. It's a full-time job, and I already have about 3 of those.

So in honor of my teeth, I'm going to list 32 things that make me annoyed/angry in the hopes that they will reside here rather than in my mouth.
1. People who try to take advantage of me. I'm pretty generous. Therefore, if you try to take advantage of me, chances are you are a sub-par human being.
2. Humming and/or whistling. It grates on my nerves. I will cut you.
3. People who insult something because they want it. At first I thought this was an occupational hazard, but the more I think about it the more I realize it happens in all aspects of life. In terms of my job, the best example I can think of is: We had just purchased a chain from Lowes to lock up a bicycle that was for sale. Twenty minutes after locking up the bicycle, it sold (see also: examples of my luck). The customer loaded the bicycle and drove away. The very next customer noticed the chain puddled around the pole and asked "how much do you want for that old, rusty chain out there?" It was literally less than one hour old. It was shiny as heck and had no rust whatsoever. But if he made it seem worthless, he might be able to score it for a bargain. This doesn't work with me. What I wanted to say was "if it's worthless, why do you want it? I wouldn't want to insult your wallet by making you pay for such a hunk of junk! I'll just keep it rather than pass the burden of owning such a heap of trash." Don't pull my pigtails if you like me. Don't insult my stuff if you want to buy it. Everything has worth, and everything has flaws. Pointing them out will not make you a hero. It will just make you an asshole.
4. People who play the victim.
5. People who lick their fingers to count money or turn the page of a magazine.
6. Liars and thieves.
7. Running out of Coke Zero.
8. Baby talk in any form - even to a baby.
9. When my cat licks my leg to get my attention.
10. Having cat hair all over everything.
11. People who compliment my eyes (thank you!) but then call them blue (wha...? My eyes are green. They are so green that they sometimes appear yellow. Are you just complimenting that I have two? Maybe you should focus on your own eyes and get them checked. I know a really cute optometrist.)
12. Getting a run or pick in my tights.
13. People who hate something just because it's popular.
14. Hormones. The problem is not that I have some, but they literally make me angry, and I can't help it.
15. Needing to stop what I'm doing to go pee.
16. Spoilers.
17. When someone is purposefully vague to make you question them further. I don’t enjoy the sport of fishing, and neither do I enjoy you fishing for someone to gossip to.
18. Feeling helpless.
19. Not knowing how to do something. This is my biggie. I really, really, really hate not knowing how to do it. This is different from feeling helpless. Sometimes when you are helpless, there isn't anything to be done. When there is a solution but I don't have it, it drives me crazy!
20. Underwear that rolls down or rides up.
21. Telemarketers. If you call me on our business phone, you will get an airhorn in the ear, and that's no joke.
22. Mosquitoes.
23. Picking on or belittling someone I love.
24. Drama.
25. When I'm out buying paint, painters tape, drop cloths, and rollers and the cashier asks me "are you going to do some painting?" It happens regardless of what I'm buying. I could be buying a book on ducks, a bag of mini Snickers, and a wall clock, and the cashier would ask me "are you doing an experiment to see what time of day ducks most like to eat Snickers?". Salespeople are always up in my business.
26. When someone asks me a question and then cuts off my answer. People do this ALL. THE. TIME. to me when they are asking directions. If you knew, why did you ask? I’ll will send your butt to Nebo Mountain, tourist!
27. When people don't watch their kids. I'm sure you think them jumping on my couch is cute, but I think they are brats and you should be sterilized.
28. Friends you can never rely on.
29. Humidity.
30. Text forwards.
31. Painful pimples. Damn hormones again!
32. Naturally skinny people. ‘Nuff said.
For someone with my anger issues, I thought this list would be easier to compile. Don’t worry, I could have 32 different ones by tomorrow.

Anger vs Me

Lately I've been dealing with some personal issues that do not involve dieting. My entire life I've dealt with anger issues, but recently they have become even more of a problem. I love my anger, possibly even more than food. I carry it around with me. I feed it daily with sarcasm and judgement. It's my best friend that has been with me since... possibly birth.

Dime store psychology would say that gaining weight and anger both act as a barrier to keep people from becoming close to me. One could also argue that I'm unhappy with myself so I take it out on others. I can't deny either of these facts, but I believe that I have been raised to think anger equals power. People will fear you, take you seriously, give you your way. I don't want to be angry anymore. I would rather be powerless at this point in my life than spend all my energy stoking this fire.

I have made an effort in the past 24 hours to be a better person (less judgemental, mean, and angry) and more in touch with why I feel the way I feel. I found a wonderful free podcast of mediation for anger that helped me tremendously understanding my aspects of this emotion I never considered. http://www.meditationoasis.com/

1) Anger sometimes masks other emotions. This was so true for me. I had my anger on standby, and any time I came in contact with another emotion - betrayal, shame, loneliness - anger stepped in and covered that up for me. I told you anger and I were best friends, right? Who else would fight all your battles for you?

2) Anger can manifest itself in physical problems. Think about what happens to your body when you get mad. Jaw tightens, shoulder tightens, increased blood pressure, shallow breathing. Now think about what that can do to your body if left untreated.

3) Neither suppressing nor provoking anger will make it go away. If you suppress yours it will build and explode eventually. I'm taking everyone's word on this because I have never suppressed my anger a day in my life. I rationalized that people should know I'm angry so that THEY can change THEIR behavior. Provoking anger on the other hand, is something I am very good at. I replay the situation, pick it apart, and reassure myself that in the encounter that made me angry I was the victor in the end. I hurt the other person the worst. I cut to the quick fastest. They didn't even know what was happening until it was over. I am the smartest, best, most powerful. Sheesh - I sound like a super bitch! But unfortunately it's true. I'm working on it. Anyway, the mediation suggests that by acknowledging the anger, it can run its natural course.

I'm really interested in continuing meditation for anger as well as other types too. I don't take enough time to listen to myself and what I am really feeling. I invite you to check out this website. They have several types of meditation and free podcasts as well as CDs, mp3s, and smartphone apps.

Finally I want to leave you with a quote I saw when reading into their meditation: What you resist persists. I have never heard this before, but it really got my attention. If you resist emotions, certain foods, even love... it persists. Go with the flow. Accept what is meant for you to have. Acknowledge it and then set it free.

Smooth sailing vs hurricanes

There are several things that surprised me in the first month of my low carb adventure.

1) The low carb craze is over.
There is no longer a readily available section of carb-less items at the grocery store. Even fast food restaurants that used to cater to LC like Subway and Smoothie King no longer do so. Restaurants that still do offer LC items (such as Hardees) may not even be aware they do. The first time I ordered a Hardees LC burger, I had to explain what that meant. I am 5 years late on the craze, and now I have to be creative because it isn't easy.

2) I didn't miss breads or sweets.
I became frustrated when family members suggested pizza buffets or Chinese restaurants, but it wasn't because I knew I'd never be able to control myself there. I did not want them. I was frustrated at the lack of options, but I never once became tempted. It was quite the opposite. The thought of eating breads was undesirable, and the thought of eating sweets was downright revolting. A lady I know was talking about a cake recipe where she used Almond Joy flavored coffee creamer rather than water. My old self would have loved that, but my new self turned green at her description. Suddenly cakes in general were out of the discussion.

3) I became impossible to live with.
My mood swings have never been light, but after a week of LC they were OUT OF CONTROL. My husband, ever the sweet passive one, tried to talk to me about it. I wasn't listening. I became a robot. Insensitive, cold, single-minded. It made no sense because I had physically never felt better. I was sure that my mood would even out. Then came my next blow: I stopped losing weight. It seemed strange to me that I was willing to make it hard for those who love me because of my diet as long as it was working. Once it stopped working, however, I realized I was doing something wrong.

For the sake of my marriage (and sanity), I have increased my carb intake and lowered my calorie cap. We will see if this works out better in the long run. One thing is for sure already, I'm a whole lot nicer with a little bit of bread in me.