Peak 313 Living and Active Challenge pt 2

So I began the 5 week challenge on a great foot.  I was living.  I was active.  I did everything required of me and then some for the first 6 days and then...injury.

I've been sick with the flu.  I've had scrapes, cuts, and bruises.  I've had menstral cramps that would make lesser mortals faint.  But I have never experienced anything like this.

It happened on a Saturday, which is normally my day off from my day job.  I had been forwarded a set of photos taken at once of my husband's shows (he sings, dances, acts, whatever), and included were about 5 of the most unflattering pictures of me ever taken.  I was in a funk after seeing them, so I went into work and used my frustration to arrange and re-arrange some of the merchandise with vigor. I moved a couch alongside a customer, and I felt a slight pinch.  After the couch was placed, I walked over and picked up a box of books and then I couldn't sit it down.  I couldn't bend over at all.  I had to drop the box.

I didn't realize the severity of my injury.  Never having serious back problems before, I thought I'd be fine with an hour or two of rest. Haha.  How naive.

Over the next 12 hours the pain crescendoed into unbelievable torture.  I had call into my night job.  I could not stand, walk, or go to the bathroom unassisted.  I slept in the kitchen floor because I literally could not take another step.

Seven days and 4 chiropractor appointments later I was able to stand for short periods of time.  My body shook with the effort of it.  I could walk, but it was a slow, sad shuffle, nothing compared to my normally fast clip.  Even now, 26 days later, I am only back to about 80% of my former abilities.  I am terrified of lifting anything over 10 lbs.

Obviously I wasn't able to be active for the Peak 313 Challenge.  I barely qualified as living.  If one good thing came out of my injury it was that I had a lot of time to think, and here is the conclusion I reached:

I may not have liked the body I saw in those hideous photographs, but that body was strong and capable.

Never in my life did I feel like such a brat.  I was only focused on what I looked like.  I completely overlooked the wonderful things my body could do.

I have decided to start the challenge again.  This time there won't be hundreds of other people doing it alongside me.  I don't have to check in, and I won't win a prize.  I'm doing it because I can.  I'm also changing my mindset.  The first go-around I had only 1 goal - to finish.  This time I have 2 goals - finish and maintain a positive, grateful attitude.

I'm not sure if negative reinforcement works for others trying to improve their bodies, but it didn't work for me.

The challenge consists of exercising 25 mins a day/4 days a week.  It also incorporates memorizing Bible verses to feed you spiritually, and checking in with others for accountablilty.  Since the official challenge ends 10/5, I'll use this blog to check in.

Better late than never, right?

5 Weeks of fun!

I'm just about to start a 5 week program with fellow Blogger Jen (link to come) for a fitness / spiritual butt-into-gear thing.  Before I begin I just want to clarify my goals.

1) Finish the entire 5 weeks without becoming distracted. 

That's it!  I'll post more about the program in the next post, including what it expects of me, but for now what I really want out of myself is not to quit.  Seems easy, right?

Anger vs Me

Lately I've been dealing with some personal issues that do not involve dieting. My entire life I've dealt with anger issues, but recently they have become even more of a problem. I love my anger, possibly even more than food. I carry it around with me. I feed it daily with sarcasm and judgement. It's my best friend that has been with me since... possibly birth.

Dime store psychology would say that gaining weight and anger both act as a barrier to keep people from becoming close to me. One could also argue that I'm unhappy with myself so I take it out on others. I can't deny either of these facts, but I believe that I have been raised to think anger equals power. People will fear you, take you seriously, give you your way. I don't want to be angry anymore. I would rather be powerless at this point in my life than spend all my energy stoking this fire.

I have made an effort in the past 24 hours to be a better person (less judgemental, mean, and angry) and more in touch with why I feel the way I feel. I found a wonderful free podcast of mediation for anger that helped me tremendously understanding my aspects of this emotion I never considered. http://www.meditationoasis.com/

1) Anger sometimes masks other emotions. This was so true for me. I had my anger on standby, and any time I came in contact with another emotion - betrayal, shame, loneliness - anger stepped in and covered that up for me. I told you anger and I were best friends, right? Who else would fight all your battles for you?

2) Anger can manifest itself in physical problems. Think about what happens to your body when you get mad. Jaw tightens, shoulder tightens, increased blood pressure, shallow breathing. Now think about what that can do to your body if left untreated.

3) Neither suppressing nor provoking anger will make it go away. If you suppress yours it will build and explode eventually. I'm taking everyone's word on this because I have never suppressed my anger a day in my life. I rationalized that people should know I'm angry so that THEY can change THEIR behavior. Provoking anger on the other hand, is something I am very good at. I replay the situation, pick it apart, and reassure myself that in the encounter that made me angry I was the victor in the end. I hurt the other person the worst. I cut to the quick fastest. They didn't even know what was happening until it was over. I am the smartest, best, most powerful. Sheesh - I sound like a super bitch! But unfortunately it's true. I'm working on it. Anyway, the mediation suggests that by acknowledging the anger, it can run its natural course.

I'm really interested in continuing meditation for anger as well as other types too. I don't take enough time to listen to myself and what I am really feeling. I invite you to check out this website. They have several types of meditation and free podcasts as well as CDs, mp3s, and smartphone apps.

Finally I want to leave you with a quote I saw when reading into their meditation: What you resist persists. I have never heard this before, but it really got my attention. If you resist emotions, certain foods, even love... it persists. Go with the flow. Accept what is meant for you to have. Acknowledge it and then set it free.

Smooth sailing vs hurricanes

There are several things that surprised me in the first month of my low carb adventure.

1) The low carb craze is over.
There is no longer a readily available section of carb-less items at the grocery store. Even fast food restaurants that used to cater to LC like Subway and Smoothie King no longer do so. Restaurants that still do offer LC items (such as Hardees) may not even be aware they do. The first time I ordered a Hardees LC burger, I had to explain what that meant. I am 5 years late on the craze, and now I have to be creative because it isn't easy.

2) I didn't miss breads or sweets.
I became frustrated when family members suggested pizza buffets or Chinese restaurants, but it wasn't because I knew I'd never be able to control myself there. I did not want them. I was frustrated at the lack of options, but I never once became tempted. It was quite the opposite. The thought of eating breads was undesirable, and the thought of eating sweets was downright revolting. A lady I know was talking about a cake recipe where she used Almond Joy flavored coffee creamer rather than water. My old self would have loved that, but my new self turned green at her description. Suddenly cakes in general were out of the discussion.

3) I became impossible to live with.
My mood swings have never been light, but after a week of LC they were OUT OF CONTROL. My husband, ever the sweet passive one, tried to talk to me about it. I wasn't listening. I became a robot. Insensitive, cold, single-minded. It made no sense because I had physically never felt better. I was sure that my mood would even out. Then came my next blow: I stopped losing weight. It seemed strange to me that I was willing to make it hard for those who love me because of my diet as long as it was working. Once it stopped working, however, I realized I was doing something wrong.

For the sake of my marriage (and sanity), I have increased my carb intake and lowered my calorie cap. We will see if this works out better in the long run. One thing is for sure already, I'm a whole lot nicer with a little bit of bread in me.