Anger vs Me

Lately I've been dealing with some personal issues that do not involve dieting. My entire life I've dealt with anger issues, but recently they have become even more of a problem. I love my anger, possibly even more than food. I carry it around with me. I feed it daily with sarcasm and judgement. It's my best friend that has been with me since... possibly birth.

Dime store psychology would say that gaining weight and anger both act as a barrier to keep people from becoming close to me. One could also argue that I'm unhappy with myself so I take it out on others. I can't deny either of these facts, but I believe that I have been raised to think anger equals power. People will fear you, take you seriously, give you your way. I don't want to be angry anymore. I would rather be powerless at this point in my life than spend all my energy stoking this fire.

I have made an effort in the past 24 hours to be a better person (less judgemental, mean, and angry) and more in touch with why I feel the way I feel. I found a wonderful free podcast of mediation for anger that helped me tremendously understanding my aspects of this emotion I never considered. http://www.meditationoasis.com/

1) Anger sometimes masks other emotions. This was so true for me. I had my anger on standby, and any time I came in contact with another emotion - betrayal, shame, loneliness - anger stepped in and covered that up for me. I told you anger and I were best friends, right? Who else would fight all your battles for you?

2) Anger can manifest itself in physical problems. Think about what happens to your body when you get mad. Jaw tightens, shoulder tightens, increased blood pressure, shallow breathing. Now think about what that can do to your body if left untreated.

3) Neither suppressing nor provoking anger will make it go away. If you suppress yours it will build and explode eventually. I'm taking everyone's word on this because I have never suppressed my anger a day in my life. I rationalized that people should know I'm angry so that THEY can change THEIR behavior. Provoking anger on the other hand, is something I am very good at. I replay the situation, pick it apart, and reassure myself that in the encounter that made me angry I was the victor in the end. I hurt the other person the worst. I cut to the quick fastest. They didn't even know what was happening until it was over. I am the smartest, best, most powerful. Sheesh - I sound like a super bitch! But unfortunately it's true. I'm working on it. Anyway, the mediation suggests that by acknowledging the anger, it can run its natural course.

I'm really interested in continuing meditation for anger as well as other types too. I don't take enough time to listen to myself and what I am really feeling. I invite you to check out this website. They have several types of meditation and free podcasts as well as CDs, mp3s, and smartphone apps.

Finally I want to leave you with a quote I saw when reading into their meditation: What you resist persists. I have never heard this before, but it really got my attention. If you resist emotions, certain foods, even love... it persists. Go with the flow. Accept what is meant for you to have. Acknowledge it and then set it free.

Smooth sailing vs hurricanes

There are several things that surprised me in the first month of my low carb adventure.

1) The low carb craze is over.
There is no longer a readily available section of carb-less items at the grocery store. Even fast food restaurants that used to cater to LC like Subway and Smoothie King no longer do so. Restaurants that still do offer LC items (such as Hardees) may not even be aware they do. The first time I ordered a Hardees LC burger, I had to explain what that meant. I am 5 years late on the craze, and now I have to be creative because it isn't easy.

2) I didn't miss breads or sweets.
I became frustrated when family members suggested pizza buffets or Chinese restaurants, but it wasn't because I knew I'd never be able to control myself there. I did not want them. I was frustrated at the lack of options, but I never once became tempted. It was quite the opposite. The thought of eating breads was undesirable, and the thought of eating sweets was downright revolting. A lady I know was talking about a cake recipe where she used Almond Joy flavored coffee creamer rather than water. My old self would have loved that, but my new self turned green at her description. Suddenly cakes in general were out of the discussion.

3) I became impossible to live with.
My mood swings have never been light, but after a week of LC they were OUT OF CONTROL. My husband, ever the sweet passive one, tried to talk to me about it. I wasn't listening. I became a robot. Insensitive, cold, single-minded. It made no sense because I had physically never felt better. I was sure that my mood would even out. Then came my next blow: I stopped losing weight. It seemed strange to me that I was willing to make it hard for those who love me because of my diet as long as it was working. Once it stopped working, however, I realized I was doing something wrong.

For the sake of my marriage (and sanity), I have increased my carb intake and lowered my calorie cap. We will see if this works out better in the long run. One thing is for sure already, I'm a whole lot nicer with a little bit of bread in me.

Everything I know about diabetes I learned from The Babysitters Club

I have come to know quite a few people who are diabetic or pre-diabetic. Of course I knew what diabetes was, but it only happened to people like Wilford Brimley (the actor on the testing supplies commercial) - old and overweight. I also knew there were people with juvenile diabetes like Stacey from the Babysitters Club books I read growing up (and still read sometimes if I am being honest). The people that I know, however, do not fit into either of these categories. They are neither fluffy actors nor teenage babysitters. They are hardworking, normal, and most importantly they are people I love battling a scary and life-threatening disease.

So since finding out that my mom was just diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I decided to learn more. Afterall, people say we are practically the same person. Was it just a matter of time before I became diabetic too? First let's start with what I already know:

1) Your pancreas does not make enough insulin to counterbalance the foods you eat.
2) You must take insulin injections at least once a day.
3) You may not eat sweets.
4) You will have to live with this condition your entire life.

Now, I think author Ann M Martin was probably trying to education young children on juvenile diabetes, and she did a wonderful job, but when it comes to Type 2 diabetes these rules don't apply. My mom will not have this disease her entire life if she can control it with diet and exercise. She does not take pills or injections. And now to the biggest and most devastating myth...it's not just sweets that are bad. Carbs are the enemy? *gasp* A life without bread does not sound like a life I would like to be living. And it ain't just bread. Fruit, vegetable, and dairy all have carbs. Gum has carbs! Cough medicine has carbs! Nooooooooo!

Enough drama. Back to my point. In order to control T2D, one must reduce carbs and exercise. So I am trying it too. I don't want my mom to be in this alone. So this is the beginning of our journey. What to eat, where to shop, how to survive without potatoes and breadsticks. Stay tuned!